


Moments In Time

by icanseethroughtimesstuff



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, F/F, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2019-10-24 13:43:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17705345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icanseethroughtimesstuff/pseuds/icanseethroughtimesstuff
Summary: A collection of one shots and mini fics I may or may not expand on. Thasmin. COMPLETE





	1. Grief Takes Time

**Author's Note:**

> This will mostly be a collection of one-on-one moments and conversations between the gang. Rating and tags will be updated as more chapters get added.

Graham couldn’t sleep.

This was a common occurrence since Tim Shaw and Sheffield and losing Grace, but he’d been doing better recently.  That is, until yesterday.  He sighed and got up, resigning himself to a sleepless night as he pulled on his slippers and dressing gown over his pyjamas and headed to the kitchen.  Like any sensible person, he believed a nice cup of tea could solve any problem.

He set the kettle to brew and opened the cupboard to retrieve his mug.  A sudden thought occurred to him and he grabbed the Doctor’s mug as well.  He had a pretty good idea where he could find her, she loved to tinker with the control panel after they’d gone to bed.  Carrying both mugs of tea, one with enough sugar in it to give a rhino a heart attack, he headed in that direction.

His instincts turned out to be half right, the Doctor was indeed in the console room.  However rather than tinkering she was leaning against the console, staring at the wall.  He walked over to her as quietly as he could manage, not wanting to disturb whatever reverie she was in.  It occurred to him that he’d never seen her this still or calm, and he wondered if she often did this when she was alone, when she didn’t have to whizz around like a ball of energy just to amuse them.

Just how much of what they saw of her was genuine and how much was an act?  He’d thought before that it couldn’t be normal for someone to be so cheerful and manic all the time, that there must be some sharper edges to the ancient alien who’d whisked them away from their normal lives.  She never talked about herself or her past, which was fair considering she’d only been travelling with them a few months.  But he knew she was much older than she looked, could see it in her eyes whenever one of them laughed or cried or showed any emotion at all really.

“Alright Doc,” he said quietly, putting the mug down on the console by her elbow, “you busy?”

She turned to face him and could have sworn he saw a glimpse of some ancient grief in her eyes before the mask came up and the usual look of cheery confidence descended.  “Hello Graham.  Oh, thanks,” she said noticing the mug and picking it up, wrapping both her hands around it and inhaling the scent.  She sighed happily and turned back to him.  “I’m never too busy for you lot, something on your mind?”

He couldn’t know for sure but he had an idea that if anyone in the universe could understand the grief he was feeling, the woman standing in front of him could.  “Mind if we have a chat?”

“Course not.”  She gave him a knowing sort of look, the kind of look she only occasionally gave that made Graham feel like a little bit of his soul was laid bare before her.  “I was just going to admire the view, care to join me?”  She nodded her head towards the doors.  He picked up his mug and followed her over as she opened them wide and sat with her legs hanging out into space.  There was what appeared to be a massive white star hanging there, but for some reason he couldn’t feel any excess heat.  “Don’t worry, the Tardis will protect you,” she said as if in answer to his thoughts, “come have a seat.”

He didn’t sit but remained standing, leaning against the door frame as he sipped his tea.  They remained like that in silence for a while, the Doctor seemingly content to let him gather his thoughts and speak in his own time.  As loud and manic as she could be, she seemed to have a sense for when to allow her friends the time to speak rather than pressing the issue, a fact for which he was currently extremely grateful as he attempted to gather his thoughts.

“What is that?” he asked, nodding towards the star.

“A White Dwarf star,” she replied, “no idea which one.  Just like looking at them sometimes when I need a bit of peace.”

“Grace would have loved this,” he said, wondering how many times he’d had that same thought since they’d started travelling, “all of it.  She was so much braver than me.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” the Doctor said, turning towards him.  “There’s more than one type of bravery.  Heading into danger even when you’re terrified is one of the bravest things someone can do.”

He nodded slightly, even if he didn’t quite believe her, and looked back out at the star.  “I thought I was doing better,” he said after another beat of silence, “I thought I was finally moving on.  Then that alien pretended to be her and it’s knocked me right back down again.”

“It wasn’t an alien it was a sentient universe,” she said absently.  Then she shook her head.  “Sorry, that probably isn’t important in context.”

He ignored her and continued staring out into space.  “I can’t believe it took me in so easily.  It must have seen how weak I was, figured I was an easy target.”

She looked at him again.  “Grief doesn’t make you weak Graham, it makes you human.  It targeted you because it sensed the loss and guilt in you and how fresh it still was.  If Ryan had been there it could just as easily have targeted him, and I know you don’t think he’s weak.”

He nodded thoughtfully.  “I suppose.  Just annoyed with myself I guess.”

“Look how easily you broke free from it’s influence when it refused to help Ryan.  You knew Grace would never willingly abandon him, same as you wouldn’t.  Your love for them both gave you the strength to break free.”

 She was giving him her encouraging smile, sipping her tea and swinging her legs.  It was hard to doubt yourself around the Doctor, she had so much faith in all of them.  He wondered sometimes how much faith she had in herself.  She seemed to exude confidence most of the time, but every now and then the façade would falter, as if she wasn’t sure she could keep them safe.  He still remembered the look of failure and defeat on her face when she thought she’d gotten them stranded on Desolation, how quick she was to give up until they’d all talked her around.  Now that he thought about it, he realised she needed them more than they needed her, and vowed to himself to never stop telling her how much he appreciated everything she’d done for them.

“So, why the frog?” he asked to distract himself from his thoughts.  “I got Grace, Erik got Trine, why did you get a frog of all things?”

She chuckled a little, but a sadness washed across her face briefly before she could catch it.  “No idea.  I suppose it didn’t need to trick me with someone I loved cause I was staying willingly.”  Her smile faltered then slid away completely.  “Plus, there’d be so many to choose from I doubt it would’ve been able to choose.”  She looked away from him and stared pensively at the burning star.  “I’ve loved so many people, Graham.  The Solitract wouldn’t even know where to start.”

“When you say loved, how d’you mean?”  He smirked at her slightly, trying to lighten the mood.

She chuckled again raising an eyebrow at him.  “Friends, you cheeky sod.  Well, mostly just friends, I am a few thousand years old after all.”

His mind reeled away from that particular piece of information, deciding that was a conversation for another time.  “You ever been married?”  he asked.

“Yeah, a couple of times.  Even had kids and grandkids at one point.  They’re all gone now.”

The smile was gone again, and Graham wondered how much loss someone could take before it broke them completely.  “Do you still think it’s worth it after all this time?  Love I mean?”

“Absolutely,” she replied with no hesitation, “love’s the most important thing there is.  It hurts when it’s over of course, but everything that comes before that makes it worth it.”

“You ever think you’ll fall in love again?”  He couldn’t help but think about Yaz, and the way she followed the Doctor around and hung on her every word.  He’d had his suspicions for a little while now, and just recently it seemed like the Doctor seemed to play up more around the other woman, almost like she was desperate to impress her.

“Possibly,” she said slowly, “if the right person comes along.  That’s the brilliant thing about life, you never know what’s waiting for you in the future.  Even me!” she grinned at him, seemingly overjoyed at the prospect of the unknown.

“Sometimes it’s even closer than you think,” he couldn’t help but push.  Just for a moment, he could have sworn her eyes darted in the direction of their sleeping quarters before returning his eye contact.

“I suppose.”  She put her mug down and clapped her hands together.  “Still more important things to think about than my love life.”  She stood up and closed the doors, turning towards Graham again.  “You feeling any better?  Don’t feel like I was much help.”

“You were I promise,” he assured her, “and yes, a bit.  Think I’m gonna try and get a bit more sleep.”

She rolled her eyes.  “You humans and your sleep, don’t know how you cope being unconscious for a third of your lives.”

“We manage,” he called over his shoulder as he headed back towards his room.  He actually did feel a little better, the pain in his heart easing slightly.  Sometimes it was enough to know that you weren’t alone.  Listening to the Doctor, realising how much she’d loved and lost and how she still managed to smile and keep going made him realise that he’d get through it.  Maybe not straight away but, he realised, that was fine.  He knew no matter what he had Ryan.  Yaz and the Doctor too of course, but the bond he shared with his grandson was special.

He re entered his room, climbed back in bed and drifted off to sleep, thoughts of Grace filling his dreams.


	2. A Stranger Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yaz is suffering some ill effects after they leave Ranskoor Av Kolos, can the Doctor help her in time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the mega long wait, I'm currently getting my ass kicked at work, woke up today feeling a little more productive so got this out. The next part will come a lot sooner, it's already in my drafts and just needs editing.
> 
> Established Thasmin

Yaz could feel the difference the second she removed the neural balancer, like there was a huge pressure in her mind.  She’d always had a naturally high pain threshold and the Doctor had warned her in advance that this would be uncomfortable, so she shrugged it off and got to work.  There were more important things at stake than her suffering a bit of discomfort after all.

She naively expected after she reattached the device that she would feel better instantly and was therefore surprised when that didn’t happen.  The pressure on her head lessened but didn’t go away entirely, and she kept getting the recurring nagging feeling at the back of her mind that she was missing something important.

She didn’t have time to dwell on it however, what with the minor issue of getting planets back in orbit, defeating Tim Shaw and freeing both the Ux and Paltraki’s crew, but once they were off again, the pressure was instantly noticeable.  The Doctor, as always attuned to Yaz’s every slight discomfort, immediately noticed something was off even as the boys dragged themselves off to the nearest bed to fall into.

“You okay?” she asked, brushing the hair back from Yaz’s forehead and lifting up her chin so she could look her in the eyes.

“Yeah, just a bit of a headache,” Yaz replied, trying not to let on how dazed she felt.

The Doctor winced in sympathy.  “That psychotropic field was nasty, even made me feel a bit loopy.  Go and get some sleep and I’ll join you in a bit once I’ve plotted our course.”  With that and a kiss to the forehead, Yaz headed to her bedroom and fell into bed.  She fully intended to wait up until the Doctor joined her, instead she was out like a light the second her head touched the pillow.  She half woke up briefly to a warm body pressed against her back and arms wrapping around her before dropping straight back off again.

*****

Yaz startled awake in the morning after a strange dream.  She was travelling on a ship that could move through space and time and for some reason looked like an old police box with a bloke she used to be at primary school with and two other people she didn’t know at all.  She seemed to be particularly close with the woman, a blonde, mad ball of energy who, and she had no idea how she knew this, was also an alien.

Sensing movement next to her Yaz glanced to the other side of her bed (and when did her bed get so big?) and screamed when she saw the woman from her dream fidgeting and fast asleep, a small puddle of drool collecting on the pillow next to her face.

The woman sat bolt upright at the noise with her eyes still closed and hair everywhere.  “Whazzit?  Cybermen?”  She opened her eyes and jumped out of bed, grabbing a small metal cylindrical device off the bedside table and pointing it at the bedroom door as it lit up and made a whirring noise.  It was at this point Yaz realised she wasn’t in her own bedroom.  The room she was in could comfortably fit all three bedrooms from her flat into it, and the bed was a king sized four poster affair, far softer than any bed she’d ever slept in.

She leapt out of it and backed into the corner, staring at the back of the strange woman’s head.  “Who are you and where am I?” she shouted, hoping to sound intimidating but the tremor in her voice more than likely gave away just how scared she was.  The woman whipped around to face her, the strange device in her hand still pointing straight out in front of her making Yaz shrink even further into the corner.  Her face screwed up and her head cocked to one side reminding Yaz, despite the situation she was in, of a confused puppy.

“Yaz?  What’s wrong?”  The woman lowered the device and started towards her making Yaz yelp in fright and curl into a ball on the floor, head tucked between her knees.  She looked up after a little while to see the woman hadn’t approached any closer and had her hands in the air as if in surrender, a strangely heartbroken look on her face.  “It’s alright,” she said softly, “I’m not going to hurt you.”  There was a slight waver to her voice as if she was trying to stop herself from crying.

“Who are you?” Yaz repeated, relaxing slightly.  Whoever this woman was, she didn’t appear to mean her any harm, she’d had plenty of opportunity if that had been the case.

“I’m the Doctor,” she replied, “and I think you might be poorly.  Any chance you’d let me have a look at you?”  The woman’s grip on the device tightened slightly, but she otherwise made no move either closer or further away from her.

Realising she didn’t have a great deal of choice, what with not knowing where she was, she nodded slightly, once.  The woman walked slowly towards her, hands still in the air.  When she reached her she lowered her hands and knelt down, lifting up the device and pointing it at her.  When she tensed up again the woman lowered it.

“It’s just a scanning device, promise.”  To prove her point, the Doctor pointed it at herself and turned it on.  It lit up and started whirring again the same way it did before and she relaxed when nothing happened.  The Doctor tentatively pointed it at her again and started to scan her.  After a few seconds she moved it so that she could read the side of it, and frowned.

“What is it?” she asked.

The Doctor looked at her, a shadow seeming to pass across her eyes.  “Could you do me a favour and tell me your name please?”

“Sure, it’s…”  she looked at the Doctor, panicked.  How could she not remember it?  She could a few minutes ago, she was certain, but now there was nothing, she had no idea who she was.

The Doctor took hold of both of her shoulders as she started to spiral into a panic.  “It’s ok, don’t worry, I can fix this but I need you to trust me.  Can you do that for me?”  She nodded, not knowing what else to do, and the Doctor moved both her hands up to the side of her face pressing two fingers to each temple.  She heard her whisper, “sleep,” and then fell into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, kudos and comments are very much appreciated! X


	3. A Stranger Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor rushes Yaz to the medical bay and fills Graham and Ryan in as best she can, while the Tardis tries to figure out what's wrong with Yaz.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the reviews and kudos, they make me a very happy human! This chapter is basically the bridge between the intro and the meat of the story, with some necessary conversation before things pick up again in the next chapter, enjoy!

The Doctor scooped Yaz up off the bedroom floor, trying desperately to keep her own emotions at bay.  I mean, no day where the woman you love has no idea who you are could be called a good day but there were far more pressing concerns, for instance finding out just how much damage the planet had done to her mind.

The Doctor was familiar with telepathic fields being somewhat telepathic herself, but she had never before come across anything on the scale of the one that surrounded Ranskoor Av Kolos.  She was already kicking herself for not considering just how much damage even a short exposure to it could do to a human mind and now she was paying for that carelessness in the worst possible way.  Jogging as quickly as she could towards the medical bay without jostling Yaz too much she just had to hope that she wasn’t too late to reverse whatever damage had been done.

The doors to the medical bay flew open as she approached, the Tardis obviously realising time was of the essence and the second the Doctor placed her gently onto one of the beds the ship was already running diagnostics.  A message flashed up in Gallifreyan informing the Doctor that both Ryan and Graham had been made aware of the situation and were on the way.  Not even a minute later they both came crashing through the door.

“What happened Doc, is she alright?” Graham asked through heavy breaths, clearly having sprinted from his bedroom.  Ryan had already walked past them both and dropped into a chair by Yaz’s bed, staring at her as though expecting her to pop up and tell them all she was fine.

“Not sure,” the Doctor replied, tinkering with diagnostic equipment, “the planet affected her worse than I expected it to.  Just waiting for the results to come back so I can see what the damage is.”

“And then you’ll fix it, right?”  Ryan tore his eyes away from Yaz to fix the Doctor with an uncharacteristically piercing stare.  “You always fix it.”

She shrugged with a feigned casualness she didn’t really feel.  “Yeah, course.  Hopefully.  Probably.”  She avoided eye contact with both men in favour of staring at the loading bar on the diagnostic screen.

She sensed rather than saw Graham move closer to the bed behind her and settle into another chair.  “What I don’t understand is, why her?  We were all there the same length of time, why are the rest of us fine?”

The Doctor screwed her eyes shut as a wave of guilt washed over her.  “Because she took off her neural balancer,” she said quietly, not daring to see the if the anger she was expecting had surfaced in her companion’s eyes.  “Just for a minute, we used them to stop the Ux from doing any more harm, then put them straight back on.  I didn’t think that amount of time would do any permanent damage, let alone that the effects would carry on after we left the planet.”

There was silence behind her as she kept her eyes glued to the screen, which seemed to be working inordinately slowly.  “Why aren’t you affected?” Ryan asked, breaking the somewhat tense silence.  “You seem fine.”

“My species are slightly telepathic, we have natural defences built into our brains to protect us from psychic attacks.  Not enough to protect us long term but pretty solid against short exposure.”  She finally turned around to face them both.  Ryan’s eyes were boring into her while Graham was staring at Yaz much like Ryan had been when he first entered the room, one of his hands resting on top of one of hers.

“How could you risk her like that?” Ryan asked.  He didn’t raise his voice but the tone was definitely accusatory.  The Doctor internally flinched as he put voice to the same thing she’d been thinking for about the last half an hour.

“It was her choice,” she replied in the same quiet tone, “there was no other way to stop the Ux, if they’d have been allowed to continue, more planets would have been taken, including Earth.”

Graham looked up to make eye contact with Ryan.  “You know as well as I do Yaz makes her own choices son,” he said, “what she did saved a lot of people.  And I can’t speak for you but if I’d have been there, I’d have done the same thing.”

Ryan deflated somewhat, dropping his eyes to the bed.  “Yeah, I guess I would’ve too.  Sorry Doctor, didn’t mean to sound like this was your fault.”

She didn’t say anything, just gave them both a weak smile.  They were both good men, too good sometimes and in the Doctor’s opinion far too forgiving.  For the first time since she’d carried her in she looked at Yaz lying pale and unconscious on the bed and wished there was some way she could exchange their places.  Yaz was so young and brave and full of life, while the Doctor had already seen a dozen lifetimes of pain and suffering, what difference would one more make?

The screen behind her started bleeping finally and she whipped around, eyes darting over the information presented on the screen as her hearts jumped in her chest.

“What is it Doc, what does it say?” Graham asked approaching the screen as well although he couldn’t read a word of it.

“Mixed news really,” the Doctor said, trying to keep her voice even so as not to panic the others, “the telepathic field’s gradually cutting off the memory centre’s of Yaz’s brain from the rest of it, not destroying them but boxing them in so she can’t access them.  The Tardis has managed to halt the effect so it can’t get any worse, but she’s trapped in her mind somewhere, probably living out the most recent clear memory she has.”

“That’s not mixed, that’s all bad,” Ryan said, coming over as well.  “Can we get her back?”

“I can.  Possibly.”  The Doctor was already moving towards the chair Graham had vacated.  “If I can get into her mind and find her, I might be able to guide her out and break down the barriers the field has put up.  Or I could end up trapped in there with her until her body shuts down.”

“Cheerful thought,” Graham murmured with a raised eyebrow.  “Give me a percentage Doc, what’s the chance of success.”

She looked up at him with hope shining in her eyes.  “Definitely seventy percent.  Or maybe sixty five, definitely no less than sixty.”

He stared at her for a minute.  “Right,” he finally said, shrugging and sitting in the opposite chair.

“We’ve won with worse odds than that before,” Ryan piped up, stationing himself at the foot of the bed and crouching on the floor, “I bet on us every time.”  He gave the Doctor a small smile.  “Besides if anyone can get her out you can, cause I know you won’t give up.”

“If something goes wrong, how do we get you out?” Graham asked nervously.

“Under no circumstances are you to even try to pull me out,” she said sharply, surprising the two men with her tone.  “If I don’t come back out with Yaz, then I don’t come back out.”

Ryan gave Graham a look when the Doctor’s attention had returned to Yaz that said _we’ll think of something_ , before looking back to the Doctor who now had her hands on either side of Yaz’s face.

The Doctor concentrated, creating a strong link between their minds before willing her consciousness across to the other woman.  The last thought she had was _hold tight Yaz, I’m coming for you_ , before she felt herself fall and darkness took her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always reviews and kudos make me a happy bunny and are always appreciated, hope you enjoyed x


	4. A Stranger Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor and Yaz travel through Yaz's mind trying to undo the damage caused on Ranskoor Av Kolos, however the energy they're trying to remove won't give up without a fight. The Conclusion to 'A Stranger'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blasted this loooong chapter out today because I have so little free time to write now I didn't want to leave you with another cliffhanger for a month! Hope you enjoyed this little mini fic as much as I enjoyed writing it! I'm leaving this work open as I plan to add odd little ficlets, one-shots and drabbles to it as and when the mood takes me and I have the time. I already have an idea for a cute and fluffy little drabble so I'll hopefully get that up fairly soon. I'm also keeping an eye on the fanzine prompts on Tumblr and Twitter so if one of those sparks my interest I'll have a bash. Peace out for now! X
> 
> EDIT: Change of plans, I'm going to be ending this series here due to lack of interest, thanks to everyone who read and enjoyed it, I may start something new in the future if I can find the motivation x

When the Doctor opened her eyes she was lying on the ground of a wide open, pure white space that seemed to have no discernible walls or ceiling.  She shook her head and got to her feet, reaching into her inside pocket for her sonic screwdriver.  Imaginary environment inside Yaz’s head this may be, but she had enough belief in herself to trust that it would function more or less as normal.  Gathering that nothing was likely to happen if she stood still staring into the distance, she chose a direction at random and headed off.

It had been difficult to tell at first with the space being so empty and bright but after a moment or two the Doctor realised she was surrounded by a thick fog.  Reasoning that any exits could be hidden in the mist, she pressed on with even more purpose than before and was rewarded when she reached a barrier of some sort.  Activating the sonic, she scanned the area in front of her and checked the readings.  As it turned out, it was some sort of transparent energy barrier, completely inpenetrable unless she could find some sort of portal leading through.  Trusting that Yaz would want her to help, she started to follow it.  She could see through it to the other side and could tell that the air seemed slightly clearer, the fog less thick.  Guessing that this was a part of Yaz’s mind that hadn’t been blanketed by the psychotropic waves she hurried on, frantically checking for some sort of weak spot or entry point.

As the Doctor moved further along, she could almost make out a number of indistinguishable figures on the other side of the barrier off in the distance.  As she got closer she realised she could recognise Yaz among them, although she looked four or five years younger than she was when the Doctor first met her.  She was sat on the floor with her back against a brick wall that had materialised behind her, a cut on her cheek and a look of terror in her eyes.  The other figures were a group of five girls of around Yaz’s age, all laughing amongst themselves or sneering down at her.  Slightly ahead of the others was a tall, slim blonde girl who was speaking to Yaz.  The Doctor couldn’t hear what she was saying but from the gloating, cruel expression her face was twisted into she could guess it was nothing good.

Deciding she’d had about enough of this, the Doctor pointed the sonic at the energy barrier and turned the frequency up as high as it would go.  The barrier started to vibrate slightly, then faster as small cracks started to spiderweb out from a central point.  After a minute or so, the barrier fully cracked then finally shattered.  Yaz looked towards the Doctor, startled, but the girls carried on behaving as though they didn’t know she was there.  The Doctor still couldn’t hear what the lead girl was saying which was probably for the best in the circumstances.

“Who are you?” Yaz asked, her voice trembling as she backed even further into the wall, clearly just as terrified of the Doctor as she was of the gang of girls in front of her.

The Doctor crouched down onto her haunches until she was at Yaz’s eye level, smiling gently at her.  “I’m a friend.”

“No you’re not, I don’t know you.”  Yaz replied, narrowing her eyes reminding the Doctor a little more of her older self, so keen to get to the truth of the situation.

“I’m a friend from your future.  All this you’re seeing, these girls, they’re in your past.”  She reached out a hand tentatively towards the young girl.  “If you come with me, I can help you find your way out of here.”

Yaz looked warily at the proffered hand but made no move to take it.  “How do I know you’re telling the truth?” she asked suspiciously.

The Doctor sighed and glanced around, trying to think of a way to convince the girl before her eyes fell on the lead girl.  All movement had stopped amongst the group since she and Yaz had started speaking, but the look of arrogant cruelty in the leader’s eyes still lingered.

“If I were to guess,” the Doctor said slowly, “that’s Izzy Flint.”  She nodded her head towards the other girl.  “She bullied you for a year when you were still in school.  When you’re older, you tell me and another young woman who’s being bullied about how you decided to start standing up to people like her so no one else would have to go through what you did.”  The Doctor’s voice got more intense the longer she talked, determined to get through to the girl in front of her.  “That’s what makes you so amazing.  You took something awful that happened to you and instead of letting it make you bitter, it made you extraordinary.”  She smiled at young Yaz, who was looking confused, her mouth slightly open.

“I remember that.  It was in Bilehurst Crag when we were fighting the mud people.”

“Exactly!” the Doctor practically cheered.  “These girls, they’re not here any more, they didn’t win, you did because you were strong enough not to let them.”

Yaz, grinning now, took the Doctor’s hand and used it to lift herself up.  She turned towards Izzy Flint, still frozen in her moment in time.  “Bye Izzy.  No offence but I hope I never see you again.”  With that, she turned her back on the group, who seemed to be fading away as the air around them began to clear, the fog dissipating slightly.  Seeing that Yaz was already walking away, the Doctor hurried after until she was walking beside her.  “It’s weird,” the girl said, squinting at her, “you do look a bit familiar now.”

The Doctor did her best to tamp down the hope that rose in her chest.  There was still a long way to go and she had no idea where they were going yet.  It would be naïve to assume the most dangerous thing they would face in Yaz’s mind would be a group of insecure teenage girls.  “Any idea where we’re going?” she asked Yaz as they continued on.

“Not sure,” Yaz shrugged, “just feel like this is the way we should be going.”  Sure enough after another few minutes they appeared in front of what appeared to be a police station.  The Doctor turned towards Yaz and noticed that she looked older, now no more than a year younger than she was when they first met.  She was wearing her uniform and safety vest.

“Where are we Yaz?” the Doctor asked, trying to prompt her memory.

“This is the station I trained before I started my probation.  We had to do all sorts of training exercises, found most of them really easy.”  She looked extremely nervous, her eyes not leaving the station.  “There was one I failed twice though.  If I’d failed it again I would have gone under review and probably would have lost my job before I even started.”  She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples before turning to the Doctor, the same terrified look from before taking over her face.  “I can’t fail again, I can’t lose this job, it’s the only thing I want to do!”  She was spiralling into a panic, losing herself in the moment as the fog around them started to thicken again.

The Doctor took Yaz’s hands and gently pulled them away from where they had pressed against the sides of her own head.  “Yaz listen, this is like Izzy Flint all over again, it’s not real.  Your mind is being attacked, something is trying to trap you in your past until you completely lose yourself.  You’ve fought it off once, you can do it again.”

Yaz looked up and made eye contact with the Doctor who refused to break it.  She could help Yaz, guide her if necessary, but she knew nothing about this period of her life.  There was nothing she could do to jog her memory except assure Yaz of her utmost faith in her and her abilities.  “The Yaz I know in the future is a police officer.  You even said it yourself a moment ago.  ‘Before I started my probation’ you said, so there’s a part of you that’s fighting back, that knows whatever problem this is, you solved it.  The answer’s in your head, it must be, because how would you have made it to probation if it isn’t?”

The fear had disappeared from Yaz’s face to be replaced by uncertainty, which slowly morphed into determination.  “I remember now.  I got overconfident because of how easy I found the other exercises so I didn’t revise as much as I should have the first time.  The second time I was so nervous I couldn’t get my brain to settle down and completely lost it, but the third time I did all my revision and got plenty of sleep the night before.  When I started the exercise I couldn’t believe how much easier it seemed.”  She straightened up and faced the station.  “Well, I suppose I’d better go in there and smash it.”  She gave the Doctor a cocky little smile that despite the situation they were in made her knees a little weak, and marched confidently through the station doors.

The Doctor moved to follow her before hearing the sound of someone clearing their throat off to the side.  She turned to see Yaz, _her_ Yaz in the clothes she was wearing the night they met smiling at her.  Unable to restrain herself, she launched herself at the other woman who made a faint ‘oof’ noise as she suddenly found her arms full of Time Lord.  “Well hello to you too stranger.” She mumbled into the Doctor’s hair, who felt herself shudder at the feel of Yaz’s breath against her ear.

Pulling away she looked directly into Yaz’s eyes, studying her closely.  “So you know who I am then?”

“Course I do.  Only known you for a few hours mind you, but you’re pretty memorable.”  The fog had lifted even more and was now no more than a faint mist, and the Doctor recognised the building site where she’d faced down Tim Shaw.

“Well I was here for this bit, so I remember climbing up there wasn’t much fun,” the Doctor squinted up at the two cranes.  She could just about make out Karl in his control box, and Tim Shaw making his way up the side of the crane.  “I suppose we’d better get a shift on she sighed, turning towards where Yaz had been a moment ago, but she’d vanished.  Looking up at the other crane, she could make out two figures in the control box, and a third walking along the arm.  “Wow, I really am so much shorter now,” she mumbled, before heading for the ladder at the base of the crane.

Before she knew it she was at the top, inside the control box.  Yaz was sat at the controls, making her way through about twenty keys trying to find the one that operated the crane, not acknowledging the Doctor’s presence at all.  The Doctor was turned towards the other figure which should have been Ryan, but instead was a blurry, indistinct, vaguely humanoid figure.

She turned back to Yaz as she gave off a shout of triumph, the engine of the crane starting up, but then she looked confused, scanning the many buttons and dials in front of her hopelessly.  “How do I move the bloody arm,” she mumbled to herself, clearly unwilling to randomly start hitting buttons in case she did more harm than good.  The Doctor made to move forwards but hit another energy barrier like the one she encountered when she first entered Yaz’s mind.  She dug out the sonic again and attempted to use it like before, but it sputtered and died in her hand.  The force attacking Yaz’s brain was fighting back in earnest, obviously sensing the gradual progress they were making through her memories.

“Yaz, you need to ask Ryan for help, he found everything you need on his phone.”  She turned towards the blurry figure and was dismayed to see it slowly starting to fade. “No no no, come on Yaz, you remember Ryan Sinclair, he’s your best mate.”  Yaz frowned and then shook her head.  The barrier was obviously impairing the Doctor’s ability to communicate with her.

“You met at Redlands Primary,” the Doctor shouted, desperately hoping something, _anything_ , would make it through.  “You were friends, but then you lost touch after you went to different high schools.  You met again on this night, you helped stop an aggressive alien from hunting and killing an innocent man together.  You’re my dream team, quite literally just at this moment, and I know you’d never forget him because he’s _part of our fam._ ”  Yaz recited the last part at the same time as the Doctor.  Her head snapped up and the fading figure next to them solidified.  The familiar figure of Ryan stood there, frantically typing away on his phone before passing it to Yaz with all the instructions she needed to operate the crane.

The entire scene shifted and they were back on the ground again, Ryan and Graham kneeling by Grace’s body.  The Doctor could see her past self still in the tattered old suit a little behind and off to the side of them, not wanting to intrude on their very personal grief.  The memory had obviously become much clearer to Yaz as she could now feel the cold bite in the air.  She plunged her hands into her pockets and hopped a little on the spot to keep warm, before she felt another arm loop through hers.

Yet another version of Yaz was by her side, resting her head on her shoulder.  The Doctor smiled and leaned into her, appreciating the comfort.  “Let’s go,” Yaz said, pulling the Doctor away.  The Tardis was behind them and Yaz pulled her through the door.

The door closed behind them and the Doctor looked up to see herself dashing around the console, clearly preparing for take-off.  The boys were nowhere to be seen, obviously either in bed or busy elsewhere.  Yaz stepped away from her current self as if she wasn’t there and towards her past self just as she finished inputting the controls and turned to face her companion.

The Doctor gasped.  She knew she’d recognised the outfit Yaz was wearing.  She knew exactly what was about to happen and found herself terrified as to how the presence in Yaz’s mind would twist this against her.

“Yaz?” her past self exclaimed, sounding worried.  She stepped towards Yaz who had tears streaming down her face, but stopped just short of touching her, rubbing her own arms and looking around awkwardly.

“She just nearly watched you die idiot, give her a hug,” the Doctor rolled her eyes at her oblivious self who continued to stand there.

“Sorry,” Yaz said, still sniffling slightly but getting the tears under control somewhat.  “It’s just…when Becka ducked you in the lake…you took so long to come back up…I thought you’d died.  I thought I’d lost you.”  She said all this through shaking shuddering breaths.

Her past self took another step forward, still not touching Yaz but well inside her personal space now.  “Not a chance.  It’ll take more than some chains and a bit of water to get rid of me.”  She finally reached forward and touched the underside of Yaz’s chin, gently tilting her head up so they were eye to eye.  “See, I’m here, right as rain.”  Yaz lifted her own hand to take the Doctors, linking their fingers together.

Her current self knew what was supposed to come next and was shocked when she saw a sneer of contempt, not unlike the one on Izzy Flint’s face earlier cross her features.  Her past self ripped her hand away from Yaz’s and pushed her away.  “Oh no, you didn’t honestly think I was interested in you did you?” She laughed, a horrible high-pitched, cruel sound she swore she’d never made in her life.  “you must be joking.  Insignificant little human Yasmin Khan?  Do you have any idea the extraordinary people I’ve known before you?  How could you possibly think you even compare?”

The Doctor was throwing herself at the rematerialized barrier by this point, fully intending to smash through it and launch her past self into a sun, causality be damned, when to her surprise she heard Yaz’s voice, clear as a bell, say, “No.”

Her past self’s face crumpled in confusion.  “Huh,” the Doctor said, “Ryan wasn’t kidding, it really does scrunch a lot.”

“What do you mean, ‘no’?” Her past self snapped, obviously baffled by the calm response.

“I mean, no,” Yaz repeated.  “This isn’t what really happened.  Even if you had rejected me which, by the way, you didn’t, you’d never speak to me like that in a million years.  I think you’re weak,” she continued, speaking up to the ceiling now, “I think you’re losing you’re grip and you’re getting desperate.  You didn’t expect me to fight back this hard and you didn’t expect the Doctor to help.  Well I’ve had enough of all this bloody nonsense, and there’s no way on Earth I’m gonna let you ruin this moment.”  With that she marched towards the Doctor’s past self and kissed her soundly, pushing her back up against the console.  There was a rushing sound, and the last wisps of fog were swept away.

“Oh Yaz,” the Doctor heard herself say dreamily as she separated from Yaz, staring at her with a hopelessly starry-eyed expression.  “You’re wonderful and perfect and the best woman in the whole entire universe.  What did I do to get so lucky as to win your heart?”

“Oi, no embellishing,” the Doctor grinned.  Yaz turned around and stuck her tongue out at the Doctor.

“It’s my mind I can do what I want.” She replied with a cheeky wink.  “Speaking of which…” the Tardis, Yaz and her past self faded from the Doctor’s view and she felt herself falling.  She landed on her feet in a room she didn’t recognise.  There was a queen sized bed against one wall, a smattering of simple bedroom furniture and some old dog eared posters on the walls, some of various indie bands, some of various stars and planets.  “Never thought I’d get you in here.”

She whipped around to see present day Yaz standing in front of the closed door, smiling gently at her.  The Doctor surged forward and captured her lips, Yaz responding instantly.  They stayed like that for what could just as easily have been hours or minutes before breaking apart, their hands finding each other and fingers intertwining.  “Hello again,” the Doctor smiled at her.

“Hello yourself,” Yaz responded, stroking the Doctor’s thumb with her own.  “So, what do you think of my bedroom?”

“I really like it,” the Doctor replied, leaning into Yaz and wrapping her arms around her.  “How come I’ve never been in here before?” she murmured into her hair.

“Because you keep putting off coming back to my flat cause you don’t want to see my mum now she knows we’re seeing each other” Yaz chuckled.

“In my defense, I don’t have a good track record with mothers,” the Doctor mumbled, “I’ve been slapped more than once.”

“My mum loves you,” Yaz responded disbelievingly, pulling away to look the Doctor in the eye, “she’d never slap you, I swear.”

“Maybe I could pop round for tea at Yaz’s if I can free up some space in my schedule,” the Doctor teased, pretending to deliberate, “I think I’ve got some free time in two months.”

“Try two days,” Yaz said raising an eye brow.  Her smile dropped then and she looked worried.  “Am I fixed now?  The influence from the planet, has it gone?”

The Doctor pulled her back into a hug.  “Oh, I should think so.  It wasn’t just us fighting it you see.  I hooked you up to the Tardis, she was waiting for us to weaken it enough so that she could clear out the leftovers.  The most you’ll have from this a bit of headache for a couple of days, and you may be a bit more tired than normal for about a week.”

“Wait, you hooked me up to the Tardis?  So she can like…see my thoughts?”  The Doctor could feel Yaz’s face heating up from her position against her cheek.

“I wouldn’t worry about that,” the Doctor chuckled, “she was here to destroy the planet’s influence, not nosey through your private thoughts.  I would bear in mind though that she is sentient and we do sleep in her, so she’s probably seen a thing or two.”

“Oi,” Yaz said, smacking her arm gently, “stop winding me up!”

The Doctor pulled back again, laughing when she saw Yaz’s bright red face, “Sorry, just teasing.”

Yaz grinned back at her, before quietly saying, “thank you.”

“What for?”

“Coming in here and saving me.  I can’t imagine how dangerous it must have been, especially if you hadn’t managed it.”

The Doctor’s smile lessened to something softer.  “For starters, you will always be worth any risk.  Secondly, I didn’t save you.  I guided and helped you in places but you did all the work.  You turned your back on Izzy Flint, you remembered how to pass your test, you remembered Ryan, and you didn’t let your memory of…well, you know…be corrupted.  You Yasmin Khan, are amazing.”

Yaz smiled back.  “Yeah I am pretty great.”

“Well,” the Doctor said, pulling her hands back and clapping them together, “I think it’s time we went back don’t you?  I’ll pull myself out, the Tardis will probably keep you asleep for a little while longer.  “Don’t worry,” she said, seeing the panic in Yaz’s eyes, “once I leave she’ll put you into REM sleep, you won’t be trapped in here.  You’ll just have normal dreams.”

Yaz sighed in relief before giving the Doctor a final hug.  “I guess I’ll see you on the other side,” she said as she pulled away.

“Don’t sleep too long too long,” the Doctor grinned, “we’ve got a date with your mother.  Oh no that was so wrong, I’m never saying that again.”  The last thing she heard was Yaz’s laughter as she cut the connection and vanished back to the real world.

*****

Yaz woke up feeling more groggy than she’d ever felt in her life.  She looked around to see the familiar surroundings of the Doctor’s bedroom, buried under several blankets.  She looked around blearily and saw the Doctor curled up asleep in her rocking chair, her arm hanging over the side and a book on the floor.  She threw the covers back and made to stand, immediately sitting back down again as she found her legs were too weak to hold her.  Her movement was enough to wake the Doctor, who was at her side in a trice.

“Yaz, you’re awake!  Well of course you are you aren’t sleeping beauty.  Not that you aren’t beautiful when you sleep but…”

Yaz opted for the most fun option of cutting off the rambling by pulling the Doctor into a lingering kiss.  They eventually pulled apart, simultaneously whispering, “Hi,” against each other’s lips and giggling.

“How’re you feeling?” the Doctor asked solicitously, putting her arms securely around Yaz’s shoulders.

“I’ve got a bit of a headache but it’s not too bad, and my legs feel all wobbly,” Yaz replied, making to stand again, the Doctor urgently rising with her.  “I’m just going to the toilet love, I think I’ll make it on my own.”  She started tottering towards the bathroom before belatedly realising the Doctor would’ve normally put up more of a fight than that.  She once carried her from her flat to Graham’s house because she stubbed her toe.  She turned around to see the stunned look on the Doctor’s face.

“You called me love.  You’ve never called me love before.  We’ve never even said I love you.  I do by the way.  Love you, I mean.  I didn’t realise we were doing pet names, oh I have to think of a good one for you now.”

Yaz hobbled back and wrapped her arms around her.  “I love you too,” she whispered, “and you don’t need a pet name for me if you don’t want one, that just sort of…slipped out.”

“I really like it,” The Doctor replied, smiling into her hair.

Yaz smiled back and pulled away.  “Well then…love…why don’t you get into bed while I go to the bathroom and when I get back we can show each other how much we love each other.”

The Doctor’s grin would probably have been visible from every corner of the galaxy.  She turned around and dove into the bed, clambering under the covers, waiting expectantly.  Yaz laughed and made her way to the bathroom.  Expecting an eager Time Lord to be waiting for her return she was instead greeting with a snoring one.  Smiling to herself, she climbed into bed and snuggled up to her, the Doctor throwing an arm across her waist.

Suddenly realising how exhausted she still was she started to drift off.  Just before falling she heard a voice whisper “love you”.  She just had the wherewithal to mumble it back before drifting off.

 

_Fin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, kudos and comments fuel me x

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated. X


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